Australian Ranks EVERY American Burger (Ft. @DannoDraws )
## Aussie Arrogance Ranks Every American Burger: A Dingo's Eye View (ft. @DannoDraws)
Right, listen up, cobbers. We've done it. We've crossed the Pacific, battled jetlag, and wrestled with the existential dread of another reality TV show staring at us from every corner of your airports. All for one purpose: to bring some much-needed Aussie perspective to the sacred American burger.
And we didn't come alone. Joining us on this culinary quest is the one and only @DannoDraws, whose artistic eye and discerning palate (for a Yank, anyway) proved invaluable. He's documented the whole greasy, delicious journey with his trademark wit and hilarious illustrations. You'll find his artwork sprinkled throughout, providing visual evidence of our triumph and occasional despair.
Now, before you Yanks start throwing your hats (or should we say, MAGA caps?) into the ring, let's set some ground rules. We’re judging these burgers on overall experience: quality of ingredients, cooking technique, flavour profile, and the elusive “je ne sais quoi” that separates a good burger from a transcendental one. We're not talking about gourmet, fancy-pants burgers. We're talking about the heart and soul of American fast food and casual dining.
Here's the rundown, from \"Crikey, mate, that's rough\" to \"Fair dinkum, that's brilliant!\"
**(Disclaimer: Individual restaurant franchises can vary. This is based on our experience in various locations across the US.)**
**The Bottom of the Barrel: Burgers That Made Us Want to Go Home (And Eat a Sausage Roll)**
* **Burger King Whopper:** Look, we appreciate the ambition, the sheer size of this behemoth. But ambition without execution is like a kangaroo with one leg – a bit sad and not very effective. The patty was dry, the lettuce wilted, and the overall flavour… well, it tasted faintly of regret. @DannoDraws summed it up perfectly: \"This burger tastes like Tuesdays feel.\"
* **McDonald's McDouble:** We understand the appeal of a cheap burger, especially in these trying times. But even at a bargain price, the McDouble is just depressing. The patties are thin and flavourless, the cheese is suspiciously orange, and the bun is… there. It exists. It doesn't inspire joy. It inspires existential questions about the meaning of life.
* **Arby's Wagyu Steakhouse Burger:** Arby's is known for its meats, but this foray into the burger arena felt like a misstep. The Wagyu was surprisingly bland, and the overall construction was clunky and unbalanced. Let's just stick to the roast beef, eh?
**The Mediocre Middle: Edible, But Not Exactly Memorable.**
* **Wendy's Dave's Single:** Wendy's square patties are a novelty, and the fresh ingredients are a definite plus. However, the overall experience was just…okay. It's a decent burger, sure, but it lacks that special something that makes you crave it. @DannoDraws said it reminded him of a \"reliable but slightly boring friend.\"
* **Five Guys Cheeseburger:** Five Guys is a classic for a reason. The ingredients are fresh, the fries are abundant, and the peanuts are a nice touch. But the burger itself can be a bit greasy and overwhelming. And the price? It's pushing it for what you get. It's good, but it's not *that* good.
* **Sonic Drive-In SuperSonic Cheeseburger:** The novelty of the drive-in experience is definitely a plus. The burger itself is decent, but nothing extraordinary. The tater tots were a highlight, though!
**The Top Tier: Burgers Worth Crossing an Ocean For (Almost).**
* **In-N-Out Burger Double-Double (Animal Style):** Okay, fine. We get it. The hype is real. The fresh ingredients, the perfectly cooked patty, the secret sauce – it all comes together in a symphony of burger goodness. @DannoDraws declared it \"the burger of dreams,\" and we have to agree. Animal style is essential.
* **Whataburger Whataburger:** This Texas institution lives up to its reputation. The large patty, the generous toppings, the toasted bun – it's a burger that commands respect. It's a bit messy, but that's part of the charm.
* **Shake Shack ShackBurger:** Shake Shack's burgers are smaller than some of the others on this list, but they pack a punch. The patties are juicy and flavorful, the cheese is gooey, and the Shack Sauce is addictive. It's a perfectly balanced and incredibly satisfying burger.
**The Surprise Champion: Unexpected Joy in a Bun!**
* **Culver's ButterBurger:** Alright, we didn't see this one coming. Culver's ButterBurger is a deceptively simple burger that delivers on flavour and quality. The toasted bun, the perfectly seasoned patty, the creamy butter topping – it's a revelation. @DannoDraws was speechless (a rare occurrence!), simply drawing a halo above the burger in his sketch. Seriously, find a Culver's and try one. You won't regret it.
So there you have it, folks. Our Aussie take on the American burger landscape. Did we miss your favourite? Let us know in the comments. Just remember, opinions are like belly buttons – everyone's got one, and some are just a bit… well, weird. Cheers!
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